And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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