420 ftw
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
