how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
