why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
