Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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