So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
