Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
