Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
