I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
