Sober January is a disaster.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
