please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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