genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
