yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
im six kinds of drunk right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
