Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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