We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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