1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
