I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
