i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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