I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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