well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I could have mohawked her pubes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
