Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
