What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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