I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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