Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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