Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
