You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
