theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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