mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
