We won't sleep together?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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