at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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