Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize