I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
