Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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