Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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