So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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