i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
