I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
