Acid is not a monday night drug
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
