You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
