should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
