idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You need Xanax blowdarts
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
