My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
