How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
