awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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