I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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