DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
