Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
