I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
