dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
