Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
