Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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