How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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