glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
