and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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