He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
