I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
