His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
