I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize