I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
