he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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