So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
