he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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