i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This baby is an asshole
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
