I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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