Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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