It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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