Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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