Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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