omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
