girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
