I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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